Long distance: My survival guide...
Hi everyone.
Now, this may end up sounding like a bit of a rant, that’s not how it’s intended whatsoever, but this is what happens when I’m driving alone for five hours… a girls got a lot of time to think! As anyone whose read my blog for a while will know that I’ve been with my boyfriend Dan for a fairly long time (5 years in August!). What might not be massively obvious unless you’ve had a read of my About Me page is that for all of that time, we’ve had a long distance relationship between Devon and Staffordshire. That means that for much of our relationship theres been around 250 miles, a 5 hour drive or an absolutely mammoth train journey between us. I’ve literally just got in from yet another very long, slightly depressed drive home from Dan’s and it kind of got me thinking. Although it’s been so many years, we are pretty much constantly having to say goodbye to each other and quite frankly, that sucks. Even after all this time, while it’s got slightly easier (there used to be A LOT of tears on train platforms…) it never gets easier to have to leave someone that’s such a massive part of your life. However, as rubbish as it is, it is doable!
Admittedly, things have been slightly easier in the last three years as I chose to go to a university in the Midlands, only around an hour and a half away from where Dan lives which has meant that seeing each other at weekends is much, much easier, hence why these days he pops up on my blog quite a lot. But now that uni is coming to an end (scary stuff) and i’m moving into the next phase of my life, moving back to Devon and doing my Masters, it’s kind of made me appreciate just how well we’ve done for the past few years! It’s also got me thinking, moving away to university is generally a three year venture, you meet the most amazing people, do the most amazing things and come out the other side with a few snazzy letters by your name. Within that though is the fact that the people that you meet at uni are from absolutely everywhere. Take my friends for example, my flatmates come from Essex, Norfolk and London, other friends come from Canterbury, Nuneaton and Hinckley. Take it from me, none of these places are close to Devon (but fear not, they are all worth the drive to see all the lovely people that live there). This also made me think of all the long distance relationships that are going to be created out of university, after all, you don’t choose a partner based on their geographical location and you most certainly can’t help who you fall for, as I have learned.
So on that basis, as someone who (in my opinion) is pretty well versed in the trails and tribulations of trying to keep a relationship together over hundreds of miles, here are a few little tips, a survival guide if you will…
Admittedly, things have been slightly easier in the last three years as I chose to go to a university in the Midlands, only around an hour and a half away from where Dan lives which has meant that seeing each other at weekends is much, much easier, hence why these days he pops up on my blog quite a lot. But now that uni is coming to an end (scary stuff) and i’m moving into the next phase of my life, moving back to Devon and doing my Masters, it’s kind of made me appreciate just how well we’ve done for the past few years! It’s also got me thinking, moving away to university is generally a three year venture, you meet the most amazing people, do the most amazing things and come out the other side with a few snazzy letters by your name. Within that though is the fact that the people that you meet at uni are from absolutely everywhere. Take my friends for example, my flatmates come from Essex, Norfolk and London, other friends come from Canterbury, Nuneaton and Hinckley. Take it from me, none of these places are close to Devon (but fear not, they are all worth the drive to see all the lovely people that live there). This also made me think of all the long distance relationships that are going to be created out of university, after all, you don’t choose a partner based on their geographical location and you most certainly can’t help who you fall for, as I have learned.
So on that basis, as someone who (in my opinion) is pretty well versed in the trails and tribulations of trying to keep a relationship together over hundreds of miles, here are a few little tips, a survival guide if you will…
Video chats are your best friend…
Whether that be on Skype or Facetime or whatever other platform you want to use, make use of it. Make time for video calls. With a long distance relationship it can feel like you’re living a double life, the one you live without the person there and the one you slot back into when you are. With busy schedules and work etc. it’s hard to be able to physically see each other at times, me and Dan have gone 9 weeks at a time without seeing each other (that was awful and not recommended…) and I know it’s not the same, but it’s amazing how much better you feel actually seeing someone as opposed to just hearing them on the phone.
Keep each other in the loop…
Again, an obvious one, but I’ve pretty much spoken to Dan every single day since we got together, in whatever form that may be. Now I’m not saying you need to check in every single second of every day but even if it’s just a text, knowing someone hasn’t forgotten about you makes a big difference.
Get a railcard!
This seems like a silly one and obviously if you drive everywhere like me then it’s probably not relevant, but for the first year or so I was learning to drive and so spent an obscene amount of time (and money!) on trains to Staffordshire. Train prices have gone up massively in that time, but spending that £28 on a railcard once a year will save you an absolute bomb. Put it this way, when we first got together without a railcard you could pay over £100 to get from mine to his, but with one it went down to around £60… it’s still pricey but just think of the money saved…money which can be spent on actually doing things together once you get there!
Learn to pack lightly!
The amount of luggage I cart around everywhere has rapidly decreased in the past few years. I used to be one of these people that took absolutely everything with them ‘just in case’, but after lots of time spent trying to lug bags that weigh more than I do on and off of trains, I’ve learned to be brutal and only take what I’ll really need. It’s much easier if you’re driving obviously and I will admit that I take a lot more stuff with me when I know I’ll have the car, but for weekend trips from uni and stuff, a little has to go a long way. Plan your outfits before you go, this way you’ll stop yourself chucking in those items that end up never being worn…I used to take stupid things like heels to Dan’s with me…he lives in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by countryside…definitely never ended up needing them and it just meant much heavier luggage for absolutely no reason! I also keep a little travel toiletries bag stocked with the mini versions of my usual products so I can just grab it and go when I need to (trips can be a bit hastily organized at times with differing schedules and such so it’s best to be prepared). I also only take my absolutely essential make up… I know I won’t need 6 different shades of lipstick or 4 different eyeliners for two days at Dan’s, so I just leave them! Take a couple of options, but theres no need to take a make-up artist level kit with you everywhere!
The amount of luggage I cart around everywhere has rapidly decreased in the past few years. I used to be one of these people that took absolutely everything with them ‘just in case’, but after lots of time spent trying to lug bags that weigh more than I do on and off of trains, I’ve learned to be brutal and only take what I’ll really need. It’s much easier if you’re driving obviously and I will admit that I take a lot more stuff with me when I know I’ll have the car, but for weekend trips from uni and stuff, a little has to go a long way. Plan your outfits before you go, this way you’ll stop yourself chucking in those items that end up never being worn…I used to take stupid things like heels to Dan’s with me…he lives in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by countryside…definitely never ended up needing them and it just meant much heavier luggage for absolutely no reason! I also keep a little travel toiletries bag stocked with the mini versions of my usual products so I can just grab it and go when I need to (trips can be a bit hastily organized at times with differing schedules and such so it’s best to be prepared). I also only take my absolutely essential make up… I know I won’t need 6 different shades of lipstick or 4 different eyeliners for two days at Dan’s, so I just leave them! Take a couple of options, but theres no need to take a make-up artist level kit with you everywhere!
Take loads of photos…
For someone that Instagrams everything from the daily happenings of my cats to my Starbucks orders (I know you’re all guilty of that one too you little foodstagramers you!) this has never been a tricky one really. I always have some kind of camera on me, whether that’s my proper Nikon camera or just my iPhone. It’s never a bad thing to send photos to each other (not those kinds of photos, minds out of the gutter please…) it keeps each other in the loop and makes you feel a bit more part of each others days even when you aren’t there in person. Unfortunately for Dan he often receives some very mundane pictures of my cats…I may think they’re being adorable, but I’m sure he’s not as convinced… similarly I get lots of pictures of stuff he’s doing at work that I don’t understand but hey ho, keeps us in the loop!
Learn to smush lots into a small amount of time…
When Dan comes to mine or vice versa, we manage to squeeze massive amounts into the time that we’re with each other. Especially now I’m at uni, breaks from uni in Devon are much needed so I want to do as much as humanly possible in the time I’ve got here. As you’ve seen recently, we’ve been on quite a few random little trips to places like the beach or Exeter. It’s fun to explore little places together and it just gets you out of the house a bit more! Duvet days are fun once in a while but when you’ve only got a week or so together until work or uni starts again you need to make the most of it! Although, a duvet day with a film and snacks definitely needs to be factored in as well…
Everyone deals with it differently and I get lots of people that tell me that they don’t know how we do it, how we’ve done it for so long or that they couldn’t go as long as we do sometimes without seeing each other. It’s massively clichéd but as the old saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. All I ever think is of people with partners in the military. Having grown up in a naval city, it’s always been the norm for people to go months and months without seeing their loved ones. If they can do that, i’m sure we can deal with a couple of weeks away from each other, at least we can do that without the worry that they must have. We aren't the first, we certainly won't be the last, and if we've lasted this long, lets hope we can last a bit longer... Anyway, I hope this has been helpful for some people, I know that a lot of this is common sense, but I also know that for a lot of people leaving uni soon, this is going to become a reality and to go from being able to see someone all the time to barely at all is hard, so hopefully this makes it seem a bit easier! Also, i'm sorry it’s wordy, but hey, that’s the writer in me I’m afraid!
I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend!
I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend!
I really enjoyed reading this, I'm not in a long distance relationship. I have to praise you though I don't know if I could ever do it, I've seen many fall about due to trust issues, it makes me happy to know they can work like yours!
ReplyDeleteMy sister and her boyfriend met at University, although when they finish its not as far as five hours apart! We live in Nottingham and him Manchester.
Hannah
x
www.daintyandivory.blogspot.com
This is such a lovely comment =) it's definitely do-able you just have to be 100 percent into it. If you're with someone that makes it worth sitting on a train for hours for, you're onto a winner! xx
DeleteLong distance relationships can be hardwork but like you said if the lovely people are worth it then you managed to overcome the mile differences. I'll be leaving Uni soon and your post just reminded me that just cause I'll stop seeing certain people everyday it doesnt mean our friendhsips have to end
ReplyDeletehttp://thelittlebigobsession.blogspot.co.uk
Thats so true! Works for friendships and boyfriends however far away! xx
DeleteThis is such a lovely and inspirational post too (sorry for that cheesy motivating word!). Fortunately the boy in my life isn't too far away but with us both having separate responsibilities as well as other reasons not to be together even when he's home the time we get together properly never seems enough. No matter what the situation is in one another's lives, if its worth it, you'll do it. Through the good and the bad, you've made me realise this .
ReplyDeleteRight, emotional rant over. Thanks for sharing lovely, Paige xo
a-paige-at-a-time.blogspot.co.uk
Thanks so much for this lovely comment =) and thats so true. No matter what life throws at you, if you want it to work, it will! xx
DeleteThis is a great post! Long distance relationships and friendships have got so much easier over the past few years with the wonders of Facebook, Skype, facetime etc... When I left uni (*cough 8 years ago) I stayed in touch with a select few. We had each others phone numbers and email addresses and that was it... Along came Facebook and now I am back in touch with so many of my uni friends it's wonderful.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of relationships, I met Harry whilst travelling in Australia, we had 3 months together before he flew back to England and I kept travelling... not knowing where it would lead or anything we kept in touch every day by email/text/phone call (depending on funds) and after 9 months away from each other I returned to the UK and relocated to Portsmouth to live with him. I've been back almost 3 years now and we're getting married next May!
My advice to people would be to remember that the distance is only physical and whilst it can be hard it is so so worth it in the long run... You just have to both be willing to give a hell of a lot and patience of a saint :)
Sorry, that was a loooong reply! x
Thats so amazing and such a lovely story! Gosh it's hard enough being hundreds of miles away let alone thousands. I hope you have an absolutely lovely wedding! xx
DeleteThis has helped me a lot, I've been with my boyfriend (not as long as you!) for almost 2 years and I met him when he was on a 2 year visa. And in August he is moving back to New Zealand!!! ALL the way to New Zealand. I just well up everytime I think about it. The fact that were not breaking up? but just... leaving. Its going to to be hard but I think we can work through it and your tips have helped a lot. As we will have about 3/4 months apart then I am moving to NZ for 2 years.
ReplyDeletebut thanks so much for this blog post
x
I'm so glad this has helped! 3/4 months seems like a huge amount of time but you've just got to keep thinking of whats to come at the end of it, i'm sure it will be massively worth it =) xx
Deletethis has been such a lovely post to read. thanks to university, my boyfriend and I are also in a long-distance relationship, and although on times it has been difficult, we're better and stronger than we've ever been. another tip I have is to leave surprises for each other. even something as small as buying his favourite chocolate bar, hiding it in his room and texting him it's location once you've left. trust me he'll be cheered up :) xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, this is such a lovely comment! And thats such a cute idea! This is massively cheesy, but we both have certain scents that we've always worn since meeting each other, mines Marc Jacobs Daisy and he's always worn the red Lacoste so when they come to the end of the bottles we leave them at each others houses so we have the thing that smells like the other one? That sounds quite weird now that i've written it down but it's something we've always done! It's little odd things like that that get you through the weeks at times!
Deletexx